51. FAST

I was desperate to hear God when I decided to fast for 10 days. He spoke to me in ways that only He can work and do. Growing up I knew what fasting was, but never intentionally knew what it meant. I thought it was something to do just because it was a tradition in my family. For instance, fasting from meats for 40 days, every Friday. I could honestly say I never took it serious and did not follow through. 

My fast was something personal that I waned to do, so I went big. The “go big or go home” kind of deal. haha. Anyways, talking to my husband and my sister in Christ, Ashante, I shared with her my commitment to fast. She knew it was my first real fast on my own, and she was so supportive in the process. She prepared me and shared advice that "if God does not speak to you during your fast, just appreciate the time that you are doing this for Him". It was well soothing to gain some wisdom and knowledge from her, because I witnessed her fasting days and God had spoke to her in ways that was truly inspiring to me. When I made the decision to do so, I prayed and prepared myself to just want more of God. Whatever He was going to speak for me to do, I was open to seeking Him in the process, I was open to saying Yes, and I was open to understand for more wisdom. I wanted to feel this overwhelming joy, love, and grace Ashante would gain. I fasted food, social media, and being off my phone after 7pm December 15th to December 25th.

What I had learned during my fasting is that social media, our phones should not be our priority or “everything” in our lives. I wrote a special spoken word piece on this and it really reflected how I was before my fasting. I was glued to every social media app out there… Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook etc. I was glued to this screen to make sure that I was updated, asking myself did I gain more followers, and wanting to know about the lives of others. When in reality,  I was spending way too much time on my phone, than being present in the moment. It's sad, I know. Most especially around my husband and kids. I was teaching them that phone time, was ritual, when it shouldn’t be. I was replacing time away that my husband and I could use, for my phone. During the fasting of seeing myself outside of my body, I saw what  I was doing in reality. It was not pretty. It was embarrassing. God truly spoke when I wrote my spoken word piece "everything". My social media and phone hours were replaced bible plan studies, time of prayer, conversations, reading, and listening to worship. I fed myself with God and His word. I was dying out my flesh, while adding fullness to my spirit. “You will feel this amazing lightness like you are floating.” I felt that even through my struggles without food or social media. The urge to look, became more about God what do you want to share with me? God, what can I do next? God help me as I fast for you, to know you, hear you and seek you wholeheartedly. When God spoke to me on Day 4, He allowed me to really understand what it means to listen, see, and be. 

“It’s between you and God, if you want to fast all your week. But let it be between you two” (Ashante). After writing my piece, I decided to eat but I continued to fast social media and limit my phone hours. Although, the last 6 days I did not get the answers to my prayers of my next step in my business. God allowed certain events happen during my fast. My marriage had a weak point this year but upon reflection, it allowed me to understand more of what it means to be a wife and a mom in faith. That with this, it strength more of our views as a couple. It strengthen and added more value to our marriage. He also showed me what it means to “prepare”, that as spontaneous and impatient I can be, I really took this year to prepare. I grew more spiritually because of the patience I allowed in my life. Lastly, "following through", actions are far beyond greater than words. This opened my eyes to how authentic someone can be, when they are saying and proving it with action. It's also something my husband values so much on. I never really noticed this, but like I said, fasting allowed me to see greater things in my husband, that I missed when I let the distraction of this world take over. 

Fasting is something I can see myself doing often, because it gives me the closeness I need from God. It gave me the understanding that it’s important to let God just work in your life through the struggles, confusions, blessings and everything in between. It’s been hard to update my social media since I have fasted, because I want to take on this new year with great intentions and although it can be a platform to grow my business, I feel the platform comes mainly from God alone. Don’t worry, I do plan to keep it consistent but my intentions have changed and I know God is planning something big for me. If you are reading this, find that time with God even if it’s a fast for two days. You will gain the clarity, wisdom, grace and love as we seek Him with ALL of your heart. (Jeremiah 29:13)