If I continue to repeat these words in my mind, I think back to what the last few weeks have been like. I have fearlessly left a stable job to pursue in the gifts that God has given me.
One of my biggest leap of faith I took on this past month.
Then I realized my first biggest leap was completely trusting my ability to become a stay at home mom and care for my first born child in 2013. Definitely, one of the best decisions in the world. I could remember back when I would fear we would never make it. I feared if I did the right thing. As I reflect back to until now, my will to leap, He has blessed us throughout our lives since then. Not only just that period in my life, but all my life. But I make note to that day, when I had all these fears, the blessings we were given overrides any part of it. We have been in our home for almost 4 years. We have welcomed our daughter, Bailey. I started a business. My husband is working his career. We had our bumps in our life but we have always overcame it with courage and faith.
The day I decided to put in my two weeks, I walked into my managers office and told him exactly how I felt. Revealing my honest self and that I had no idea I would last so short in a job. (literally a month... haha) I was putting in my two weeks to pursue my dreams, to pursue the gifts of God, to pursue what He spoke into my heart and that was...to quit and to focus on what I love. I walked out like a fearless woman and knew I made the right decision.
Usually, when you begin to pursue more of God, the enemy will begin to creep up. He did with me....days after doubt, fear, and anxiety began to feed my mind. It was then, I was trying so hard to find a job part time for extra income. When I got a call to have an interview that same week of putting in my two weeks, I was excited! I had high hopes that I would get this part time job. On time, resume in hand and my availability ready to hand over. Prepared interview and a 5 minute prayer to God. I totally knew I was getting the job!
“I am sorry, I completely have to say No. Your availability does not work for our business hours. I do not want to waste our time to interview you, especially if you are unavailable on these days.”
Reject flourished my body with sadness, desperation, anger and confusion. I was trying to make my schedule work with the manager to get that interview. Looking back, I may have completely acted on emotion, which now I am completely embarrassed by. (Oh well. lol)
I should have just shook his hand and said thank you and went along and prayed in the car. But nope… I didn’t.
I was scared.
I was desperate.
I was angry.
I was confused.
I was quick to text my husband to express my emotions.
These feelings could have been given to God but I tried to work at it on my own and find other ways to cope with this rejection.
I questioned, “Why?”
Upon speaking to my husband later that day, he read to me a passage in our devotion and it read to just trust God. To understand that His plans are better than our own. That the reason I did not have that interview was because He is preparing for something greater than what I had envisioned. He reminded me to refer back to Jump by Steve Harvey… sharing about how my parachute will not open completely after taking this jump...but it will eventually.
The moment when my husband and his amazing reminders came to mind… it completely just made me find gratitude to God. I was so focused on that one interview and my fear of not having another job lined up and letting the enemy take over, that the presence of God was already in the works for me. For my husband who continues to live in God’s word and expresses understanding when I completely fall out of my ways. My small interview with The Preneur Project. Upcoming projects with my mentees. My connections with my girls from church. A weekend job as a party assistant and teaming up with South Bay Breathe Instagram as their Social Media Content. These little blesses started to unravel that He is gradually allowing me to have the opportunities I don’t think I would have if I wasn’t fearless and if I didn't trust in His love.
We must be willing to take more risk as we anchor ourselves with God’s love and spring into courage and continue to extend that love in daring ways to “live loved, live fearless, and live free.” Give yourself a moment to release the fears you have to God, so you begin to see the blessings He has already brought to your life.